i barfeds in our rink
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
