Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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