JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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