Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
