STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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