I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
