Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
