I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
