Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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