she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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