I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
