can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
