eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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