i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
