I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
