We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize