I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
