i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
