so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
