At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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