Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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