if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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