his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
