I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
