That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I look better un-naked...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
