Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize