Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
