You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize