we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
