I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
