after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
