its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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