walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
