I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's the barista slut.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
