Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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