Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize