I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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