I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
