So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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