I wish I could teleport
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
