Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize