I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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