You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
