i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
