just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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