you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just pee around me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
