he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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