I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
