as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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