I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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