i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
