$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
