so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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