census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
