And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
