dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
