i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
