It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
