Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize