I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
