Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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