My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize