Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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