Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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