so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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