Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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