Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
