1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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