Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
