Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
