real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
